‘Dear Anushka,……’

Rishi looked at the wall clock and stopped typing.It is now quarter to Nine.At Nine Ma will announce dinner.He is not feeling hungry today.He is rather tensed.After the dinner he has to sit before the laptop.And he has to write.Yes,he will write but what?What he should convey?Today,his thought process is getting jumbled up.It is a difficult time.There are some people ,whom he do not want to hurt.Anushka is one of them.

Looking back,it all started like a simple interaction through a chat site.He has made many friends while chatting,but in this case,the flow was very smooth and engrossing.He never thought that he will meet someone like Anushka in the net.She is very attractive through her talk.Very intelligent,witty,warm and well read.Her confidence level is another thing he admired.Both of them could go on chatting hours together discussing any topic under the sun,without getting bored.They had become great friends.but there was an unknown code of conduct-no delving into the personal details on either side.

It was for the first time,he noticed some kind of sentimental and emotional dialogues on her part,in last few days.He thought that she may be disturbed over some matters.He,as a friend,wanted to help her from his heart,as her distress  pained him.

Today,just as he connected to her,she lay down  her heart  before him.He was stunned as he never thought it can happen like that.Anushka expressed her love for him.She said,she can not take him out  of  her mind.She felt that he is the type of  person ,she always dreamt in her life.She wants to meet him urgently.She also had sent her photo to him,with a request for his photo, for her viewing.Rishi did not know what to do.

He went for a mental  introspection.Other than Ma,there were only three women in his life.The first was Ritu—this 15 year old girl woman,was his childhood buddy,with whom he grew up.She was of his age but mature enough to teach him an uspect of the world,which he never knew earlier.She tought him, at that age the difference between a boy and a girl,between man and woman.It was astounding and mesmerizing, as well.She also tought him the physical differences between the genders.He still can see those days vividly in his mind.The day they went away to Raipur,as her father got a transfer there ,he remembered that he cried a lot , while hiding in terrace.

The second woman was Reshmi.Reshmi Chopra.Wife of his boss,Brig.Ranjit Chopra.He just got entangled with her,at her design.He was a mean to satisfy her physical need,a toy boy  to satisfy her  body hunger.It was difficult to come out of it unless she released him.He is fortunate that it happened soon,as he was posted out.Then,there was Sheena.He was really in love with her.It seemed that she was also deeply in love with him.They were thinking of marrying soon. .But that incident changed everything and him.She lacked  the courage.It hurts him so much that he can not ever think of any further relationship.

Ma called-Rishi,dinner is ready.Rishi got up and went to the dining room .Ma was already waiting at the table.She will not eat without him.He looked at Ma.She has grown old and thin.How long she will take care of him?Something ached inside and almost brought his emotions to his eyes..After Dad’s going,Ma has totally devoted herself to his wellbeing.

Ma asked-What is it Rishi?Anything troubling you?Are you all right,Beta?-He smiled and said-No Ma.,I am O.K.It's just a  little tiredness.

-Please,do not exert yourself and go to sleep early.

-I will Ma.

After the dinner,he was more calm.He started the machine and resumed writing the mail---

Dear Anushka,

I can understand and appreciate your feelings for me but there are so many things in life which we can not foresee.The emotions sweeps our heart but reality breaks us,shatters as well.Many of us do not have the courage to face the truth as it is naked.Anyway,as you wish ,I attach my latest photo taken in our garden, standing among the spring blooms.I remember, how I used to be happy to run around  there with Dad, when I was  a child.I also would like to quote a few lines from a poem that I read recently,which I want you to read -

I wanted nothing less than hope,

But relishing despair,

I plunged into the nearest hell

And spent some weekends there.

I saw no answers on the walls,

No rebirth in the rain,

No saving grace in suffering,

No rapture born of pain.

What held me there?

It must have been the jackal,

Crazed and lean,

Who took my face between his paws,

And,hungry,picked it clean!

Take care.

Yours,

Rishi

After sending the mail, Major Rishi Anand closed the machine.He took the Crutch and stood up, transferring all the strength to his only leg, that he had.

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[THE POEM IS FROM THE COLLECTION OF MY FRIEND SUGANDHA IN I LAND]